The Top 15 Signs That Microsoft Owns Part of Apple

15 Apple's stock fell only 25% last week.

14 Bill Gates's birthday now a paid holiday for Apple employees.

13 Default Mac startup sound changed to "Taps."

12 Wall Street brokers have stopped using Apple stock certificates as toilet paper.

11 Apple's new slogan: "Almost as good as Windows!"

10 Apple has been bent over with its pants dropped for so long now, even a geek like Bill Gates was bound to get lucky.

9 Cute rainbow-colored apple now inhabited by cute rainbow-colored worm.

8 Microsoft comes out with an operating system incorporating Mac technology... uh, wait a minute...

7 Phone and utilities mysteriously start working again at Apple's corporate HQ.

6 Steve Jobs seen tending bar at the Gates' private lawn party.

5 Diners in Microsoft's staff cafeteria can now enjoy their apple pie purely for its wholesome goodness and no longer as a symbolic act of global domination.

4 Unsold Newtons used as cobblestones in Gates's driveway.

3 Apple Employee of the Month gets to hunt loose change at Bill's house.

2 New Apple employee dress code includes large "Property of B. Gates" tattoo on ass.

...and the Number 1 Sign That Microsoft Owns Part of Apple...

1 Bill Gates still burned in effigy, but upper management no longer attends.


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lic Wednesday, November 5, 1997