Help Desk Abuse

by Ron Ellis, Aon Consulting

(originally reprinted in InfoWorld, June 3, 1996):

Top 10 Annoying Things Users Say When Calling the Help Desk

10. Can you get me a faster computer?
9. It wasn't doing this yesterday. What did you do to me?
8. I need you to fix this right now, it's been busted for three weeks. No, this is the first time I've called...
7. This computer is jinxed. I want another one.
6. I hate dealing with computer geeks -- oops, um, of course I don't mean you.
5. You're saying it's user error? Well let's just see what your manager thinks about this.
4. What took you so long? This is the 15th time I've called you. No, I didn't leave any messages.
3. I want a new hard drive. This one's out of focus.
2. Oh, by the way, yesterday I swapped out the motherboard and the hard disk, installed Windows 95, and dropped the computer down the stairs. Do you think that has anything to do with my problem?
1. I didn't change anything -- I swear!

Runners-up:

Well, the last guy told me to do it this way, and I'd rather believe him than you.
My computer is broken, and if you don't replace it, right away, I'm calling your boss and his boss and his boss.

Other contributions:

My blinky is stuck.
Don't talk to me -- just fix it! Just fix it!
It was working fine yesterday, and I didn't drop it!
I'm getting an error message that says 'Network error, unable to connect to socket.' Does that mean my computer is unplugged?
Should I hit enter or return?
I need to know what bulb my monitor uses. It has burned out and my monitor no longer works.
I've learned this command that keeps me from running out of disk space. When the disk is full, I just delete some files. If I ever need them again, I can always undelete them.
It says to hit the any key. My keyboard doesn't have an 'any' key.
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