How Cold Is It?

(An annotated thermometer, in degrees Farenheit.)

50Miami residents turn on the heat
40Californians shiver uncontrollably
Wisconsinites go swimming
35Italian cars don't start
32Water freezes
30You can see your breath
You plan your vacation to Australia
Wisconsinites put on T-shirts
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
25Boston water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Wisconsinites eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming
Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you
20You can hear your breath
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes
Miami residents plan vacation further South
15You plan a vacation in Mexico
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
10Too cold to snow
You need jumper cables to get the car going
5You plan your vacation in Houston
0American cars don't start
Alaskans put on T-shirts
Too cold to skate
-15You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
Wisconsinites' stick tongue on metal objects
Miami residents cease to exist
-20Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
Politicians actually do something about the homeless
Wisconsinites shovel snow off roof
-25Too cold to think
You need jumper cables to get the driver going
-30You plan a two week hot bath
The Mighty Monongahela freezes
Japanese cars don't start
-40Californians disappear
Wisconsinites button top button
Canadians put on sweaters
Your car helps you plan your trip South
-50Congressional hot air freezes
Alaskans close the bathroom window
-80Hell freezes over
Polar bears move south
-90Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets

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