The Morning After

[Wife Speaking]

Good morning, my bright international mate,
My outstanding genius in problems of state,

I trust all is clear in the wonderful mind,
Which last night remodeled the whole of mankind.

Your handling of Russia, The Ruhr, Palestine,
And China and Greece; it was masterly fine!

You're sure to be named as "The man of the year."
Here's four or five aspirins -- swallow them dear.

Awake my fine songster! It's well on toward noon,
All morning I've waited, just hoping you'd croon.

A measure from "Chloe" or "Deep Rolling Sea"
Which last night you sang till half past three.

You awakened the neighbors, you tripped on the mat,
And one of your props was your hostess's hat.

I'm sure she will want you again for tonight --
The life of the party whenever you're tight.

Arise, sweet Prince, but be careful, don't skid
Arise and consider the things that you did.

The uprooted garden, the splintered garage;
It sounded just like an old-fashioned barrage.

Go see your hostess -- and carry a check,
I think if you sign just "Pain in the Neck"

The bank will o.k. it -- it would have to be you --
The clown that went beserk "twix dawn and the dew."

So drink up the seltzer, you chattering drone,
It's said to be good for the splitting dome.

I wish I were Sandow; how far would I through you,
For the next thirty days, please pretend I don't know you.

My Juvenile Jackass, my dim-witted duffer,
You say you feel awful? Well, damit, then suffer.

Happy New Year.

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