A Simple Guide to Translating ''Personal'' Advertisements

Independent Thinker . . . . . . . Crazy.
Outrageous . . . . . . . . . . .  Crazy and likely to indulge in
                                  dangerous behavior.
High-Spirited  . . . . . . . . .  Crazy, hyperactive, and throws things. 
Free-Spirited  . . . . . . . . .  Crazy and irresponsible.
Ample  . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Large. 
Huggable . . . . . . . . . . . .  Large
Zaftig . . . . . . . . . . . . .  REALLY Large
Fat and Sassy  . . . . . . . . .  Large and loudmouthed. 
Slender  . . . . . . . . . . . .  Skinny.
Svelte . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Anorexic. 
Petite (I am). . . . . . . . . .  Short. 
Petite (you are) . . . . . . . .  Size 2. 
Dynamic  . . . . . . . . . . . .  Pushy.
Assertive  . . . . . . . . . . .  Pushy with a mean streak. 
Excited About Life's Journey . .  No concept of reality. 
Moody  . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Manic-depressive.
Unpredictable  . . . . . . . . .  Manic-depressive and off medication. 
Soulful  . . . . . . . . . . . .  Manic-depressive and quiet.
Poetic . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Manic-depressive and boring. 
Looking for Mr/Ms Right. . . . .  Looking for Mr/Ms Rich. 
"Very Human" . . . . . . . . . .  Quasimodo.
Uninhibited  . . . . . . . . . .  Lacking basic social skills. 
Irreverent . . . . . . . . . . .  Mean and lacking basic social skills. 
Aging Child  . . . . . . . . . .  Self-centered adult.
Freedom-loving . . . . . . . . .  Undependable. 
Young at Heart . . . . . . . . .  Over-40.
Youthful . . . . . . . . . . . .  Over-50 and in major denial. 
Chatty . . . . . . . . . . . . .  Never shuts up.
Humorous . . . . . . . . . . . .  Watches too much TV and never shuts up. 
Financially secure (I am). . . .  Has a job.
Financially secure (you are) . .  Rich. 
Affectionate . . . . . . . . . .  Horny. 
Romantic . . . . . . . . . . . .  Horny. 
Passionate . . . . . . . . . . .  REALLY horny.

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