Boston Driving

The reason for some of the variation between Boston drivers and the rest of the country is due to the progressive Massachusetts Driver Education Manual. Some of the Tips for Better Driving are worth considering, to wit:

[173.15b]:
"When competing for a section of road or a parking space, remember that the vehicle in need of the most body work has the right-of-way."

[141.2a]:
"Although it is altogether possible to fit a 6' car into a 6' parking space, it is hardly ever possible to fit a 6' car into a 5' parking space."

[105.31]:
"Teenage drivers believe that they are immortal, and drive accordingly. Nevertheless, you should avoid the temptation to prove them wrong."

[110.13]:
"When travelling on a one-way street, stay to the right, so as not to interfere with oncoming traffic."

[22.17b]:
"Learning to change lanes takes time and patience. The best recommendation that can be made is to got to a Celtics [basketball] game; study the fast break and then go out and practice it on the highway."

[41.16]:
"Never bump a baby carriage out of a crosswalk unless the kid's really asking for it."

[131.16d]:
"Directional signals are generally not used except during vehicle inspection; however, a left-turn signal is appropriate when making a U-turn on a divided highway."

[96.7b]:
"When paying tolls, remember that it is necessary to release the quarter a full 3 seconds before passing the basket if you are traveling more than 60 MPH."

• The car that came off the fastest road into a rotary has the right of way for as long as other cars saw him come off that road (about 180 degrees).

   

• No-passing zones do NOT apply to anything about cars, rather they prohibit one from relieving oneself when a car is trying to pass in the opposite lane and is heading straight for you at 60mph.

   

• Stop signs are used only when convenient.

   

• NEVER use turn indicators, it gives everyone else an unfair advantage. For that matter, disconnecting brake lights really makes it tough for those idiots around you to second-guess (this really helps out in shopping centers when parking space is tough to come by).

   

• Try not to drive between 3 and 4 in the afternoon, this is when all the old-timers hop into their Caddy's and go for a drive.

   

• Beware of people who drive with hats on. (Actually, this applies everywhere).

   

• There are two basic ways to drive in the snow, too slow and too fast. Each method is based on the simple fact that snow makes it hard to stop. If you drive too slow, the trouble may move before you hit it, and if you drive too fast you get out of the snow quicker.

   

• The old "Age before beauty" rule definitely applies, most of the really aggressive drivers out here drive old Plymouth Furies and Dodge Darts.

   

• All auto repairs are done no more than one month before inspection time.

   

• Beware of housewives between the hours of 10 and 2, they pull out of shopping centers and elementary schools at 90mph, but then immediately settle into their more comfortable 15mph (so as not to jar the brats or groceries).

   

• If you have to make a left across traffic at a light, coasting out into traffic 3 seconds before the light turns tells oncoming traffic that you have them beat.

   

• U-turns are never illegal, but it's more fun if you miss and make it a Y-turn so as to tie up as much traffic as possible.

   

• Never, never, never hit pedestrians (when anyone is looking).

   

• At 4-way stop intersections, the right of way always goes to the car that doesn't stop.

   

• Truckers ALWAYS have the right of way. Most of these guys aren't from New England and have to fall back on whiskey and tonnage to get them through our streets - killing a few Yankees will not bother them in the least (unless they get caught).

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lic Sunday, February 8, 1998