If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: The Next Generation


Picard:     Sigma Indri, that's the star,
So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fast
But still the trip will last and last
We'll have two days til we arrive
But can the Indrans there survive? Picard: LaForge, please give us factor nine. LaForge: But, sir, the engines are offline! Picard: Offline! But why? I want to go!
Please make it so, please make it so! Riker: But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,
The danger here is far too great! Picard: But surely we must not be late! Troi: I'm sensing anger and great ire. Computer: Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire! Picard: The ship's on fire? How could this be?
Who lit the fire? Riker: Not me. Worf: Not me. Picard: Computer, how long til we die? Computer: Eight minutes left to say goodbye. Data: May I suggest a course to take?
We could, I think, quite safely make
Extinguishers from tractor beams
And stop the fire, or so it seems... Geordi: Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
Again I say, Hurray! Hurray! Picard: Mr. Data, thank you much.
You've saved our lives, our ship, and such. Troi: We still must save the Indran planet -- Data: Which (by the way) is made of granite... Picard: Enough, you android. Please desist.
We understand -- we get your gist.
But can we get our ship to go?
Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so. Geordi: There's sabotage among the wires
And that's what started all the fires. Riker: We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
We need to go! We need to go! Troi: We must seek out the traitor spy
And lock him up and ask him why? Worf: Ask him why? How sentimental.
I say give him problems dental. Troi: Are any Romulan ships around?
Have scanners said that they've been found?
Or is it Borg or some new threat
We haven't even heard of yet?
I sense no malice in this crew.
Now what are we supposed to do? Crusher: Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!"
I can't just sit and let them die!
A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try! Picard: Doctor, please, we'll get there soon. Crusher: They may be dead by Tuesday noon. *COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?* Worf: The saboteur is in the brig.
He's very strong and very big.
I had my phaser set on stun --
A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
He would not budge, he would not fall,
He would not stun, no, not at all!
He changed into a stranger form
All soft and purple, round and warm. Picard: Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
Did you see this creature morph? Worf: I did and then I beat him fairly.
Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely. Riker: My commendations, Klingon friend!
Our troubles now are at an end! Crusher: Now let's get our ship to fly
And orbit yonder Indran sky! Picard: LaForge, please tell me we can go...? Geordi: Yes, sir, we can. Picard: Then make it so!


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December 4, 1998 Lawrence I. Charters