Dictionary of Evaluation Comments

Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.

AVERAGE:
        Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED:
        Has committed no major blunders to date.
ACTIVE SOCIALLY:
        Drinks heavily.
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE:
        Opinionated.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH:
        Still one step ahead of the law.
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL:
        Will stick with us until retirement.
QUICK THINKING:
        Offers plausible excuses for errors.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK:
        Conceited.
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS:
        Buys drinks for superiors.
INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION:
        Knows more than superiors.
STERN DISCIPLINARIAN:
        A real jerk.
TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS:
        Knows when to keep mouth shut.
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC:
        Finds someone else to do the job.
A KEEN ANALYST:
        Thoroughly confused.
NOT A DESK PERSON:
        Did not go to college.
EXPRESSES SELF WELL:
        Can string two sentences together.
SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB:
        Miserable home life.
CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL:
        Scared.
METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL:
        A nitpicker.
DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP:
        Has a loud voice.
JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND:
        Lucky.
MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE:
        A snob.
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR:
        Knows lots of dirty jokes.
STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES:
        Stubborn.
GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE:
        A coward.
SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE:
        Stupid.
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION:
        Turns in work on time.
IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL:
        Wanted by no-one else.
ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS:
        An office gossip.
REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT:
        Lazy and hard-headed.
HARD WORKER:
        Usually does it the hard way.
ENJOYS JOB:
        Needs more to do.
HAPPY:
        Paid too much.
WELL ORGANIZED:
        Does too much busywork.
COMPETENT:
        Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN:
        Pain in the ass.
WILL GO FAR:
        Relative of management.
SHOULD GO FAR:
        Please.
USES TIME EFFECTIVELY:
        Clock watcher.
VERY CREATIVE:
        Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
USES RESOURSES WELL:
        Delegates everything.
DESERVES PROMOTION:
        Create new title to make h/h feel appreciated.

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Washington Apple Pi IFAQ
December 4, 1998 Lawrence I. Charters