In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels
please. If you are notperson to do such thing is please not to read
notis.
In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the
tub.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the
next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and
only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button
for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one
should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going
alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the
front desk.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the
office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with
pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the
chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastary: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous
Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily
except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate
the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing
to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid
red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted
duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's
fashion.
In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend
courageous, efficient self-service.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit
upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best
results.
Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is
big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow
Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors.
These were executed over the past two years.
In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly
taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their
workers.
In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm
the hotel porter.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly
forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different
sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless
they are married with each other for that purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by
the latest Methodists.
A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of
water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been
played.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend
the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our
horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.
In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies
from their own skin.
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to
work throughout its useful life.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a
foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and
send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first
visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to
have children in the bar.
At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have
any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other
diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all
the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll
find they are best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of
warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger
of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at
first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with
vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
* English well talking.
* Here speeching American.
Italian Hotel Brochure: This hotel is renowned for its piece
and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to
enjoy its solitude.
Rome hotel: Fire! It is what can doing, we hope. No fear. Not
ourselves. Say quickly to all people coming up down everywhere a
prayer. Always is a clerk.
He is assured of safety by expert men who are in the bar for
telephone for the fighters of the fire to come out.
Polish Tourist Brochure: As for the tripes serves you at the
Hotel Monopol, you will be singing its praise to your children as you
lie on your deathbed.
French Hotel: A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no
trouser.
French Restaurant Menu: Extract of fowl, peached or sunnyside
up.
French Swimming Pool: Swimming is forbidden in absence of the
Savior.
Spanish Hotel Ad: The provision of a large French widow in
every room adds to the visitors comfort.
Madrid Restaurant Menu: Tarts of the house.
Madrid Hotel: Peoples will left the room at midday of tomorrow
in place of not which will be more money for hole day.
Athens Restaurant Menu: Chopped cow with a wire through it.
*Bowels in sauce** *shish-kebab **tripe.
Sign outside Yokosuka Naval Base, Yokosuka, Japan: Rooms for
Lent. See "the man upstairs."