Really Stupid Things

Excerpted from "365 Stupidest Things Ever Said"

1. "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
Brooke Shields, said to demonstrate why she should become spokesperson for a federal antismoking campaign

2. "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

3. "I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate."
Vice-President Dan Quayle

4. "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.

5. "Are you any relation to your brother Marv?"
Leon Wood, New Jersey Nets guard, to Steve Albert, Nets TV commentator On Criticism:

6. "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass--and I'm just the one to do it."
a congressional candidate in Texas

7. MEMBERS AND NON-MEMBERS ONLY
sign outside Mexico City's Mandinga Disco in the Hotel Emporio

8. Wish -- To end all the killing in the world
Hobbies -- Hunting and fishing
from personal statistics of California Angel Bryan Harvey, flashed on the scoreboard at Anaheim Stadium

9. "The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make
them unsafe."
Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia

10. "After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school department is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post."
Philip Streifer, superintendent of schools, Barrington Rhode Island

11. "The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."
baseball great Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series


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December 4, 1998 Lawrence I. Charters