If your computer doesn't respond for a long time, turn it off and then back on again.
From: Win95 Installation program
Never pet a burning dog
There's no safe way to operate a weed whacker in the nude.
For the computer literate: Never lose another floppy disk!!!!! I keep mine in a slit I found in the front of my computer.
The next time the weatherman says it might freeze over night, put newspapers over your car windscreen. Then when you get up in the morning you get to scrape the newspaper and the ice off of your windscreen.
Leave your phone off the hook for long periods when you know your friends are trying to reach you, that way they'll think that you have an internet dial-up account.
Put sand instead of sugar in your tea. It has less calories, and can be used many times.
Save money on an expensive car alarm, by simply cellotaping a guinea pig to your windscreen. If the car is stolen, the rodent will squeal.
Here's a helpful hint in the burner switches on your stove aren't clearly labeled: pour a little grease on each burner before cooking. The one which catches fire is the one that's on!
Using a permanent pen, mark an
" on the
bottom of your favourite coffee mug. Next time you have a drink,
you'll be able to see when you reach the bottom and need a refill
(the X will magically appear).
When it rains, and your child asks
"Daddy, why is it
", you reply,
"Those are God's
" And when your child then asks
"Daddy, why is God crying?
", you reply,
"Because you did something wicked.