1. More than one living relative is named after a southern civil
war general.
2. You've ever used lard in bed.
3. You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
4. There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
5. Fewer than half of your cars run.
6. You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and
seductive tongue gestures.
7. You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and
cousin Sue Ellen to walk by.
8. Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school
sport event.
9. The best way to keep things cold is to leave 'em in the shade.
10. The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
11. Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
12. You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since
"Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for
best picture.
13. Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size
bottle of ketchup.
14. The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the
front ones.
15. You consider "Outdoor Life" deep
reading.
16. You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
17. You use the term "over yonder" more
than once a month.
18. Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
19. The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is
"What the hell are you looking at,
Bonehead?".
20. You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
WARNING: IF TWO OR MORE OF THE ABOVE ARE TRUE ABOUT YOU, SEEK CIVILIZED HELP.