Your Car Speaks!
The Statements Car Owners are Really Making
- Acura Integra
- I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars
- Acura Legend
- I'm too bland for German cars
- Acura NSX
- I am impotent
- Audi 90
- I enjoy putting out engine fires
- Buick Park Avenue
- I am older than 34 of the 50 states
- Cadillac Eldorado
- I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
- Cadillac Seville
- I am a pimp
- Chevrolet Camaro
- I enjoy beating the hell out of people
- Chevrolet Chevette
- I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a
'Vette
- Chevrolet Corvette
- I'm in a mid-life crisis
- Chevrolet El Camino
- I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
- Chrysler Cordoba
- I dig the rich Corinthian leather
- Datsun 280Z
- I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
- Dodge Dart
- I teach third grade special education and I voted for
Eisenhower
- Dodge Daytona
- I delivered pizza for four years to get this car
- Ferrari Testarossa
- I am known to prematurely ejaculate
- Ford Fairmont
- (See Dodge Dart)
- Ford Mustang
- I slow down to 85 in school zones
- Ford Crown Victoria
- I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change
- lanes when I pull up behind them
- Geo Storm
- I will start the 11th grade in the fall.
- Geo Tracker
- I will start the 12th grade in the fall.
- Honda del Sol
- I have always said, half a convertible is better than no
convertible at all
- Honda Civic
- I have just graduated and have no credit
- Honda Accord
- I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
- Infiniti Q45
- I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
- Isuzu Impulse
- I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports.
- Jaguar XJ6
- I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280
days per year.
- Kia Sephia
- I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.
- Lamborghini Countach
- I only have one testicle
- Lincoln Town Car
- I live for bingo and covered dish suppers
- Mercury Grand Marquis
- (See above)
- Mercedes 500SL
- I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph
- Mercedes 560SEL
- I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole
- Mazda Miata
- I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler
- MGB
- I am dating a mechanic
- Mitsubishi Diamante
- I don't know what it means either
- Nissan 300ZX
- I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
- Oldsmobile Cutlass
- I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the
parts
- Peugeot 505 Diesel
- I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
- Plymouth Neon
- I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
- Pontiac Trans AM
- I have a switchblade in my sock
- Porsche 911 Turbo
- I have a three inch thingie
- Porsche 944
- I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be
inaccessible to me
- Rolls Royce Silver Shadow
- I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal
- Saturn SC2
- (See Honda Civic)
- Subaru Legacy
- I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than
Isuzu
- Toyota Camry
- I am still in the closet
- Volkswagon Beetle
- I still watch Partridge Family reruns
- Volkswagon Cabriolet
- I am out of the closet
- Volkswagon Microbus
- I am tripping right now
- Volvo 740 Wagon
- I am frightened of my wife
- Washington Metro
- I can't find where they towed my Corvair
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Washington Apple Pi IFAQ
December 4, 1998 Lawrence I. Charters