Help Desk Log



    User called to say they forgot password.  Told them to use password 
retrieval utility called FDISK.  Blissfully ignorant, they thank me and 
hang up.  God, we let the people vote and drive, too?

    Accounting called to say they couldn't access expense reports 
database. Gave them Standard Sys Admin Answer #112, "Well, it works for 
me." Let them rant and rave while I unplugged my coffeemaker from the UPS 
and plugged their server back in.  Suggested they try it again.

    One more happy customer...

8:14 am
    User from 8:05 call said they received error message "Error accessing 
Drive 0."  Told them it was an OS problem.  Transferred them to 

11:00 am
    Relatively quiet for last few hours.  Decide to plug support phone 
back in so I can call my girlfriend.  Says parents are coming into town 
this weekend. Put her on hold and transferred her to janitorial closet 
down in basement. What is she thinking?  The "Myst" and "Doom" nationals 
are this weekend!

11:34 am
    Another user calls (do they ever learn?).  Says they want ACL changed 
on HR performance review database so that nobody but HR can access 
database. Tell them no problem.  Hang up.  Change ACL.  Add @MailSend so 
performance reviews are sent to */US.

12:00 pm

3:30 pm
	Return from lunch.

3:55 pm
	Wake up from nap.  Bad dream makes me cranky.  Bounce servers for no 
reason.  Return to napping.

4:23 pm
	Yet another user calls.  Wants to know how to change fonts on form. Ask 
them what chip set they're using.  Tell them to call back when they find 

4:55 pm
	Decide to run "Create Save/Replication Conflicts" macro so next shift 
has something to do.


8:30 am
    Finish reading support log from last night.  Sounded busy.  Terrible 
time with Save/Replication conflicts.

9:00 am
    Support manager arrives.  Wants to discuss my attitude.  Click on 
PhoneNotes SmartIcon.  "Love to, but kinda busy.  Put something in the 
calendar database!"  I yell as I grab for the support lines, which have 
(mysteriously) lit up.  Walks away grumbling.

9:35 pm
	Team leader from R&D needs ID for new employee.  Tell them they need 
form J-19R=9C9\\DARR\K1.  Say they never heard of such a form.  Tell them 
it's in the SPECIAL FORMS database.  Say they never heard of such a 
database. Transfer them to janitorial closet in basement.

10:00 am
    Perky sounding intern from R&D calls and says she needs new ID.  Tell 
her I need employee number, department name, manager name, and marital 
status.  Run @DbLookup against state parole board database, Centers for 
Disease Control database, and my Oprah Winfrey database.  No hits. Tell 
her ID will be ready tonight.  Drawing from the lessons learned in last 
week's "Reengineering for Customer Partnership," I offer to personally 
deliver ID to her apartment.

10:07 am
    Janitor stops by to say he keeps getting strange calls in basement. 
Offer to train him on Notes.  Begin now.  Let him watch console while I 
grab a smoke.

1:00 pm
	Return from smoking break.  Janitor says phones kept ringing, so he 
transferred them to cafeteria lady. I like this guy.

1:05 pm
	Big commotion!  Support manager falls in hole left where I pulled floor 
tiles outside his office door.  Stress to him importance of not running 
in computer room, even if I do yell "Omigod -- Fire!"

1:15 pm
	Development Standards Committee calls and complains about umlauts in 
form names.  Apologizing for the inconvenience, I tell them I will fix 
it. Hang up and run global search/replace using gaks.

1:20 pm
	Mary Hairnet from cafeteria calls.  Says she keeps getting calls for 
"Notice Loads" or "NoLoad Goats," she's not sure, couldn't hear over 
industrial-grade blender.  Tell her it was probably "Lettuce Nodes." 
Maybe the food distributor with a new product?  She thinks about it and 
hangs up.

2:00 pm
	Legal secretary calls and says she lost password.  Ask her to check in 
her purse, floor of car, and on bathroom counter.  Tell her it probably 
fell out of back of machine.  Suggest she put duct tape over all the 
airvents she can find on the PC.  Grudgingly offer to create new ID for 
her while she does that.

2:49 pm
	Janitor comes back.  Wants more lessons.  I take off rest of day.


8:30 am
    Irate user calls to say chipset has nothing to do with fonts on form. 
Tell them Of course, they should have been checking "Bitset," not 
"chipset." Sheepish user apologizes and hangs up.

    Support manager, with foot in cast, returns to office.  Schedules 
10:00am meeting with me.  User calls and wants to talk to support manager 
about terrible help at support desk.  Tell them manager about to go into 
meeting.  Sometimes life hands you material...

10:00 am
    Call Louie in janitorial services to cover for me.  Go to support 
manager's office.  He says he can't dismiss me but can suggest several 
lateral career moves.  Most involve farm implements in third-world 
countries with moderate to heavy political turmoil.  By and by, I ask if 
he's aware of a new bug which takes full-text indexed random e-mail 
databases and puts all references to furry handcuffs and Bambi Boomer 
into Marketing on the corporate Web page.  Meeting is adjourned as he 
reaches for keyboard, Web browser, and Tums.

10:30 am
    Tell Louie he's doing great job.  Offer to show him mainframe 
corporate PBX system sometime.

11:00 am

4:55 pm Return from lunch.

5:00 pm Shift change;  Going home.


8:00 am
    New guy ("Marvin") started today.  "Nice plaids" I offer.  Show him 
server room, wiring closet, and technical library.  Set him up with IBM 
PC-286XT. Tell him to quit whining, Notes runs the same in both 
monochrome and color.

8:45 am
    New guy's PC finishes booting up.  Tell him I'll create new ID for 
him. Set minimum password length to 64.  Go grab smoke.

9:30 am
    Introduce Louie the custodian to Marvin.  "Nice plaids" Louie 
comments. Is this guy great or what?!

11:00 am
    Beat Louie in dominos game.  Louie leaves.  Fish spare dominos out of 
sleeves ("Always have backups").  User Van calls, says Accounting server 
is down.  Untie Ethernet cable from radio antenna (better reception) and 
plug back into hub.  Tell user to try again.  Another happy customer!

11:55 am
    Brief Marvin on Corporate Policy 98.022.01: "Whereas all new employee 
beginning on days ending in 'Y' shall enjoy all proper aspects with said 
corporation, said employee is obligated to provide sustenance and relief 
to senior technical analyst on shift."  Marvin doubts.  I point to 
"Corporate Policy" database (a fine piece of work, if I say so myself!). 
"Remember, that's DOUBLE pepperoni and NO peppers!" I yell to Marvin as 
he steps over open floor tile to get to exit door.

1:00 pm
	Oooooh!  Pizza makes me so sleepy...

4:30 pm
	Wake from refreshing nap.  Catch Marvin scanning want ads.

5:00 pm
	Shift change.  Flick HR's server off and on several times (just testing 
the On/Off button...).  See ya tomorrow.


8:00 am
    Night shift still trying to replace power supply in HR server.  Told 
them it worked fine before I left.

9:00 am
    Marvin still not here.  Decide I might start answering these calls 
myself. Unforward phones from Mailroom.

9:02 am
    Yep.  A user call.  Users in Des Moines can't replicate.  Me and the 
Oiuji board determine it's sunspots.  Tell them to call 

9:30 am
    Good God, another user!  They're like ants.  Says he's in San Diego 
and can't replicate with Des Moines.  Tell him it's sunspots, but with a 
two-hour difference.  Suggest he reset the time on the server back two 

10:17 am
    Pensacola calls.  Says they can't route mail to San Diego.  Tell them 
to set server ahead three hours.

11:00 am
    E-mail from corporate says for everybody to quit resetting the time 
on their servers.  I change the date stamp and forward it to Milwaukee.

11:20 am
    Finish @CoffeeMake macro.  Put phone back on hook.

11:23 am
    Milwaukee calls, asks what day it is.

11:25 am
    Support manager stops by to say Marvin called in to quit.  "So hard 
to get good help..." I respond.  Support manager says he has appointment 
with orthopedic doctor this afternoon, and asks if I mind sitting in on 
the weekly department head meeting for him.  "No problem!"

11:30 am
    Call Louie and tell him opportunity knocks and he's invited to a 
meeting this afternoon.  "Yeah, sure.  You can bring your snuff" I tell 

12:00 am

1:00 pm
    Start full backups on UNIX server.  Route them to device NULL to make 
them fast.

1:03 pm
    Full weekly backups done.  Man, I love modern technology!

2:30 pm
    Look in support manager's contact management database.  Cancel 2:45 
pm appointment for him.  He really should be at home resting, you know.

2:39 pm
    New user calls.  Says wants to learn how to create a connection 
document. Tell them to run connection document utility CTRL-ALT-DEL. Says 
PC rebooted.  Tell them to call microsupport.

2:50 pm
    Support manager calls to say mix-up at doctor's office means 
appointment canceled.  Says he's just going to go on home.  Ask him if 
he's seen corporate Web page lately.

3:00 pm
    Another (novice) user calls.  Says periodic macro not working. 
Suggest they place @DeleteDocument at end of formula.  Promise to send 
them document addendum which says so.

4:00 pm
    Finish changing foreground color in all documents to white.  Also set 
point size to "2" in help databases.

4:30 pm
    User calls to say they can't see anything in documents.  Tell them to 
go to view, do a "Edit -- Select All", hit delete key, and then refresh. 
Promise to send them document addendum which says so.

4:45 pm
    Another user calls.  Says they can't read help documents.  Tell them 
I'll fix it.  Hang up.  Change font to Wingdings.

4:58 pm
    Plug coffee maker into Ethernet hub to see what happens.  Not (too) 

5:00 pm
    Night shift shows up.  Tell them the hub is acting funny and to have 
a good weekend.

Washington Apple Pi IFAQ