Microsoft Announcement (TM)

Top Ten Reasons to be Happy about Upcoming Microsoft Developments

by Dennis Walls

10. Bob `97

9. Improved Preemptive Multi crashing.

8. ActiveX simplifies Internet access to your computer.

7. ActiveX functionality is added to Java - making it an even more powerful single-platform language.

6. Intel Inside!

5. Unemployment in Redmond WA decreases as Microsoft Tech Support payroll swells to meet demand for Office `97.

4. Michael Spindler is hired as MS Executive in charge of Windows CE: Orders 100 million be built in anticipation of overwhelming demand.

3. Pat Boone covers 'Start Me Up' for new family oriented MS ad campaign.

2. To go along with new Pat Boone ad campaign - as well as to fall in line with truth in advertising regulations - Plug and Play renamed Plug and Pray.

1. Bill Gates' bank account mysteriously emptied after Gates uses Quicken with ActiveX controls.

Washington Apple Pi IFAQ