Best fruitcake ever

1 or 2 quarts whiskey              1 teaspoon baking soda 
1 cup butter 1 teaspoon salt
1 cup sugar lemon juice
4 large eggs 1 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder nuts

Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for quality. Good, isn't it? Now go ahead and begin.

Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the whiskey again as it must be just right. To be sure the whiskey is of the highest quality, pour 1 level cup into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat.

With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon ot thugar and beat the heck out of it.

Meanwhile, make sure that the whiskey is still of the finest quality. Cry another tup. Open second quart if necessary.

Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cups fried druit and beat 'til high. If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey again, checking for tonscisticity.

Next, sift thee cups of salt or anything - it really doesn't matter. Thample the whiskey.

Sift one falf pint lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and stained nuts. Add 1 babblespoon of bown thugar, or whatever color you can find, and wix mell. Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 degrees. Now pour the whole mess into the coven and ake it. Check that whiskey again and bo to ged.

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