The Snubbing of Newt

Doug Miller, November 17, 1995

'Twas a very sad day when the big tubby Newt
Went flying to Israel in a dark suit
For the funeral of Yitzhak, whose violent end
Had broken the heart of Bill Clinton, his friend

So Newt got a ride on the President's flight
With four carry-on bags, which is quite impolite
Bob Dole came along, and the nasty old fart
Tried to climb up on top of the food and drink cart

Newt had a bee in his bonnet that flight
He's such a fussbudget, he wanted to fight
About budgets and Medicare, deregulation
Welfare, and Democrats wrecking the nation

But Mr. Bill Clinton was tired and sad
His friend had been killed and he felt very bad
No budget fight should be fought in the air
Bill sat at his desk and he played solitaire

Then the plane landed with Newt at the rear
He thought "How the hell will I get out of here?"
"I hate being stuck at the back of the plane
Waiting for everyone else to deplane!"

Just then a nice stewardess opened the door
Through which other passengers started to pour
Newt had no choice, the line was single file
And with his four bags he was blocking the aisle

He stepped from the plane and his blood pressure rose
As he watched Mr. Clinton there striking a pose
By the door near the cockpit the cameras whirred
As the President stepped from his personal bird

Newt couldn't stand it, he stamped and he stomped
He huffed and he puffed, he ranted and romped
He spouted and pouted, he fumed and he fussed
He cried and he bawled, then he swore and he cussed

"He can't snub Newt Gingrich, I'm the damn Speaker
And no one has ever made fits of pique piquer
I'll teach him a lesson he'll never forget
I'll make this a "diss" that he'll always regret!"

He went to his office and started to write
A new resolution for his budget fight
"By God," said the Speaker, "I'm running this town!"
"And now I've been snubbed, so I'm shutting it down!"

His new bill was laden with extra demands
That had the effect of tying Bill's hands
He's spent so much time as an invertebrate
He had to stand tall as a tough Chief of State

So Bill, Dole, and Newt had reached an impasse
And all because Newt had behaved like an ass
He said he was snubbed, in a tone non-confessional
Democrats said, "Oh that's so unprofessional!"

Now Newt is happy, he's thinking, "I showed 'em!"
To Hell with Fed workers, Bill has furloughed 'em
Newt's downsizing government with his new tactics
Of pouting, denial, and other theatrics

And now all because the House Speaker was snubbed
The whole budget process may have to be scrubbed
Maybe one day Newt will own Air Force One
Do us a favor, Newt: Run, Baby Run!

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