I am NOT a NUMBER! I am a DEMOGRAPHIC!
Guillotine operator wanted. Chance to get ahead.
I am in total control, but don't tell my wife.
Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
Forget the Joneses...I can't keep up with The Simpsons.
I just took an IQ test. The results were negative.
"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
I used to live in the real world, but I got evicted.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
Assassins do it from behind.
Engineers do it with less resistance.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care!
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.
Time is the worst teacher: it gives the test first and the lesson second.
Washington Apple Pi IFAQ
lic Sunday, February 8, 1998