DC Driving

From: car@access4.digex.net (Mr. Blue)
Date: 23 May 1996 08:37:15 -0400
Subject: Aggressive Driving: The Fashionable Norm

Seems it's a status symbol nowadays to drive as selfishly and aggressively as possible. Here are some things you can do to contribute to the heartburn and general stress levels out there:

1. Make sure you always play "follow the leader". That's when the light for a left hand turn has already turned red, and 6 cars try to sneak in behind.

2. Make lots of sudden lane changes, especially if it cuts someone off.

3. Drive very impatiently and rock back and forth in your lane, trying to look past the car in front of you. Act like you are going to pass them on the shoulder. If you feel especially aggressive and selfish, do it.

4. Ride somebody's tail with your obligatory (14 MPG) SUV.

5. Stick the nose of your car halfway into the lane while waiting to turn right.

6. When turning right, pull into the farthest lane possible. Bonus points if you significantly diminish the speed of oncoming car in said lane.

7. When you're in a double left hand turn lane, try to swich lanes *while you're turning*..Or if you can't, slow down or stop, which will annoy the people behind you. Realize the futlity and stupidity of such a maneuver just as the light changes, with you (of course) being the only in your lane to have made the light. The people behind you will want to hunt you down like a dog.

Washington Apple Pi IFAQ
December 4, 1998 Lawrence I. Charters