Three men stand before St Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit 33% of applicants today.
The admissions standard: Who died the worst death? So St Peter takes each of the three men aside in turn and asks them about how they died.
"I'd been suspecting for a long time that
my wife was cheating on me. I decided to come home early form work
one afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When
I got back to my apartment, I heard the water running. My wife was in
the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn't find anyone
or any trace that he had been there. But the last place I looked was
out on the balcony. I found the bastard hanging from the edge, trying
to get back in! So I started jumping up and down on his hands, and he
yelled, but he didn't fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer, and
crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five floors
screaming in agony. But the fall didn't kill the asshole - he landed
in these bushes! So I dragged the refrigerator from the kitchen (it
weighed about a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and hurled it over
the edge. It landed right on the guy and killed him. But then I felt
so horrible about what I had done, I went back into the bedroom and
St Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then, telling the first man to wait, he took the second aside.
"I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of
this apartment building. I had just purchased this book on morning
exercises and was practicing them on my balcony, enjoying the
sunshine, when I lost my balance and fell off the edge. Luckily, I
only fell about two floors before grabbing another balcony and
holding on for dear life. I was trying to pull myself up when this
guy came running onto what must have been his balcony and started
jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but he seemed
really irate. When he finally stopped, I tried to pull myself up
again, but he comes out with this hammer and smashes my fingers to a
pulp! I fell, and I thought I was dead, but I landed in these bushes.
I couldn't believe my second stroke of luck, but it didn't last - the
last thing I saw was this enormous refrigerator falling from the
building down on top of me and crushing me.
St Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several broken bones. Then he told him to wait, and turned to the third man.
"Picture this. You're hiding, naked, in a