Nuke-A-Fridge (TM) Program

From: Atomic Energy Commission on Wed, Nov 13, 1996 9:46
Subject: Nuke-A-Fridge (TM)

Your office kitchen has been nominated for the Atomic Energy Commission's experimental Nuke-A-Fridge (TM) program. Aimed at busy government bureaucracies that can't take the time to follow even minimal health and environmental guidelines, the Nuke-A-Fridge (TM) program offers push-button elimination of strange smells, nasty stains and unsightly mounds of unidentifiable matter seen in office refrigerators.

How it works: a low-yield, neutron-enriched tactical nuclear device is inserted in the target appliance. After a user-selectable delay, the device detonates, sending bursts of gamma radiation throughout the inner compartment. Waste heat, combined with the gamma radiation, will either sterilize anything within the compartment or bleach it so that it tastefully matches the inner porcelain glaze. (There is some danger of secondary explosions if certain types of decayed foods are left in the appliance; please take proper precautions.)

This service is offered only to federal bureaucracies as they have limits on their rights to sue the federal government. We urge you to act now before large quantities of holiday foods are stuffed into your refrigerator, leaving no room for the tatical nuke.

This service, if you act soon, is available for only $38,400 per refrigerator. Or you could just clean the fridge and avoid all this.

Washington Apple Pi IFAQ
December 4, 1998 Lawrence I. Charters