Southern Wurds

From the Internet TourBus:

In each of my TOURBUS posts, I try to include a "Southern Word of the Day." Here is a list of all of the Southern Words so far.

BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."

MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts."

IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - noun. A tool.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."

Y'ALL -- noun. A degree of rotation.
Usage: "There are three degrees of Southern rotation: Pitch, Roll, and Y'all."

BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"

TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eifel Tire in Paris sometime."

HOT - noun. A blood-pumping organ.
HOD - adverb. Not easy.
Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix."

RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65."

TARRED - adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."

RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats."
(Today's Southern Word comes from a school teacher in America's southern most state: Hawaii. As part of her class' study of the "War of Northern Aggression" (known to Yankees at the "Civil War"), she showed her class the movie Gettysburg. The students wondered why the Confederacy was fighting for their "rats." The answer, of course, is obvious: Southerners have very friendly rats ... in fact, you could almost say that we have some downright civil rats.)

LOT - adjective. Luminescent.
Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair."

FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."
(Special thanks goes to Alan Ross Goddard for today's "wurd")

DID - adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."
(Special thanks goes to Todd Bratcher for today's "wurd")

EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!"

BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
(Special thanks goes to Annabel Henley for today's wurd).

JU-HERE - a question.
Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?"
(Special thanks goes to my dad, the Rev. Bob "Bob" Crispen, for today's wurd).

HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."
(Special thanks goes to Jack Dohme for today's wurd)

SEED - verb, past tense.
VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"
(Special thanks goes to Jack Dohme for today's wurd)

HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"
(Special thanks goes to Marilyn Sallee for today's wurd)

WARSH - verb. To clean.
SQUARSH - noun. A vegetable (also verb - to flatten).
Usage: "Warsh that squarsh, Bubba ... you don't know where its been!"
(Special thanks goes to Barb Fogg for today's wurds)

GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!"
(Special thanks goes to Rick Snyder for today's wurd)

JUICY - Contraction. A question.
GUFF - Noun. A deep chasm.
Usage: "Juicy the Guff of Mexico?"
(Special thanks goes to Donna Griffin and Owen O'neil for today's wurds)

MARKINS - Noun. Citizens of the United States.
Usage: "My fellow Markins..."
(Special thanks goes to Larry O'Glasser for today's wurd)

PROSS - Noun. The value or cost of an item.
Usage: "That there prom dress sho is purty, but it is not worth the pross."
(Special thanks goes to A. Bo Cooley for today's wurd)

PARAMOUR - Noun. An automated device for cutting grass.
Usage: "What kinda deal you gonna make me on that paramour?"
(Special thanks goes to Michael S. Borries for today's wurd)

RICE - Noun. A contest of speed.
Usage: "Y'all going out to Talledega to see the rice?"
(Special thanks goes to John Munroe for today's wurd)

Washington Apple Pi IFAQ
December 4, 1998 Lawrence I. Charters